So, She's a Miracle

This has been an interesting and emotional week. I went into my 3-month oncology appointment. I was somewhat nervous to go since I have been having some back pain that has not let up. Somewhere I was told if you are having symptoms, the rule of thumbs is 10 days, then you need to report them to your oncologist. Bone mets are a common form of metastasis’s...so needless to say the anxiety level was up just a tad.

I went in to my appointment. My wonderful Dr. Shull got "call up to serve his country" and is now in California for the next 90 days. He has a different doctor who joined his practice, and it was my first visit with him. My husband and I were waiting for this new doctor to come in and we could hear the nurse practitioner telling the doctor about my case and my cancer information. I could hear his reply, which was something like..."so it's a miracle she is here". Those words have echoed through my head all weekend. I truly do believe in miracles. I have felt very weepy and emotional today. It has made me reflect on that miracle.


I did have to go in for yet again another MRI on my spinal column and have the bone pain checked out. As much as I need to "know" what is going on and I feel so grateful for such measures they have to check for cancer growth...it is very stressful and terrifying. This "round" felt particularly scary and anxiety provoking. I also had my breast cancer tumor markers drawn.

I tried to put it out of my mind until my appointment to review the tests results on Monday. My gracious Nurse Practitioner who works with my Oncologist called me on Saturday afternoon. She said she was doing some dictating and came across my test results and the finding of my MRI. She reported they were all within normal limits and the scan showed no sign of metastasis.

I can't begin to tell you the emotional let down that happened. I was so grateful she had called and given me the results knowing how difficult it is to wait for something like that. I immediately started bawling and went and told my husband. I then got on my knees and thanked my Father in Heaven for giving me yet more time to raise my children and work at being a better person. My five year old had a difficult time that I was crying and happy at the same time. I tried to explain that Mommy was crying tears of joy and relief...happy tears. On and off al weekend I have been teary...and she'll say, "Mom, are those Happy Tears?"

I have reflected much about this journey I started nearly 2 years ago. I bore my testimony at church today about the power of healing and of miracles. I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in healing. And I believe I have more to do on this earth, I need to raise my girls, I need to make my marriage even stronger, and I need to overcome many things that will make me stronger and wiser. For that time...I am grateful. After having had cancer, I do feel a sense of urgency to my life...not fear...just a sense of getting things done, telling people you love them, making things right, enjoying the small and simple day to day things. Getting organized.
Some days I like to just forget and live "normally"...but that really is no longer an option. I am changed. BUT…just for today…I DO NOT HAVE CANCER.