Another Chemo Day

I got thought another round of chemo today! I am half way through this mess! I still can't believe I am dealing with cancer, and chemo, and deciding what to do about genetic testing. That subject of genetic testing has been weighing on my mind a lot this past week. I think if I find out that I do have the BC gene mutation, then I will go ahead and have a radical double mastectomy. I can't imagine going through this all over ten years down the road and chance it reoccurring and metastasizing. That is a big worry for me....especially being so young and having young children. My doctor talked with us about it today and explained a ton of my questions. He was honest about it and told me straight up if I react the "incurable" stage...he will tell me and we deal with it head on. I appreciated his honesty! I fell safer knowing I will, and have been dealt with honestly!

Tonight I am feeling "yuck". I am tired and my body feels like it weighs a million pounds...but I can't sleep! I am dreading the upcoming week. I wish it were September and I could be done. I start Taxol the next round I have heard it's worse, and then I have heard it's not as bad as Adrimyician. I guess I just have to find out and see. I am bummed because Deon my chemo buddy finished her chemo today. I will miss chatting with her and having her as a support in the chair. We are planning to go to dinner with our husbands when we both get feeling better.

I am trying be optimistic and hopeful, but I have had a lot of anxiety and worries. All the "what if's". I know for my own health I need to knock it off...but I am also a realistic person that needs to know what is going on so I can make a plan. I feel so "up in the air". This is not what I had planned this summer! :)

I really need to try and get some sleep...but I also know that is what I will be doing for the next week.

"I will survive...I will not lay down and die...oh no not I"...my new theme song!!

Goodnight!