I had yet another break down tonight. I have not felt good today and I am SO tired. I don't know if it's from the surgery or what but I feel like crap. I am sick of being sick and I fear I will never feel normal again. I fear being one of "those" moms that let their children run wild and lay around all day parenting from the couch. I felt so tired today it was almost like I had just had chemo...it was that bad.

I feel like I should be better by now, but Brent tells me I am being unrealistic. I just want to move on and get some things done. I am still in pain from the surgery and am having a hard time moving my arm. I think I am feeling the let down from everything. I just get scared I won't ever feel good again. I would pay big money for an ounce of energy. Since my Mom was here she took care of things with the girls and around the house. Now that she is gone it hit me how run down I feel...back to the grind. I also feel like I've let myself down because I'm not taking as good care of myself as I think I should be. I should be eating better and going to bed earlier. You would think something like CANCER would make you be better, but it's true that old habits do die hard. The desires in my head are not always carried out by my body.

I know I will somehow work this out. I have a good husband and family...I just feel like I have took, and took, and took. I want to feel better and give back. Brent has been amazing but I know he's got to be drained. He does so much.

I really better get some sleep...