For the Birds...

I am losing it! This menopause stuff is for the BIRDS!! I am losing my marbles I tell ya! Up and down with the hormones. You know what that means...lots and lots of crying. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm usually not a crier...that is since puberty when my hormones where just as screwed up. Yesterday's breakdown was over money or lack of. I was paying medical bills and freaked right out. Our little nest egg that was to be put towards buying a house is now officially depleted...gone. Maybe I am destined to live in a little blue house forever. Excuse me while I go cry some more.

On a better note, the hot flashes have "cooled off" a little the last two weeks...thank goodness. They were absolutely driving me batty! I am thirty-two for heck sakes...I feel like an eighty year old woman and look like a man. That's right...I look like a man. My hair is starting to come in (gray no less) and it's looking like a butch cut. Weird thing is I have kept most of my eyebrows and lashes up until this past month. Now there all but gone. Go figure. And get this...I had to shave my armpits for the very first time in four months. Man I'm going to miss that part. Of course I couldn't get a really clean shave on the left side due to the large, ominous scar under there. Good thing I can laugh about some of this or I might be bawling twenty-four seven.

I have my one-month check up with my oncologist coming up next week. It's hard to believe it has been that long since I finished with chemo! I should start radiation here in about two weeks. In a weird way I am getting anxious to get started just so I can get it over with. I'm also curious what it will be like. I hear it's not near as bad as chemo (can't imagine what is) and it's like having a bad sunburn. They also say it comes with some fatigue...yeah that's what I need, more fatigue. What a bundle of joy I'll be...doesn't it make you want to come for a visit :) Come see the freak show...the lopsided, bald lady who sleeps a lot except for when she is crying or screaming...it will be lots of fun. I do need money. Maybe I could set up a circus tent in the front yard and charge admission. Hey that's not a bad idea. I could even sell popcorn!

On a more positive note, I had my follow up with my surgeon Dr. Jones on Tuesday. She made an interesting point. She said that if she would have known my tumor (the orange) was cancerous when she did my first lumpectomy she would have been committed to doing a full mastectomy. I asked her why and she said because of the wide margins she would have had to take considering the size of the tumor. It is really a miracle the biopsy came back negative for cancer and she took out the tumor anyways! It saved me from a mastectomy...man am I grateful!

Anyways, tomorrow I start weight watchers...wish me luck. I will spring this cocoon someday! And when I do…watch out world!